I just need to vent about my life of love, even though I don't have one at the moment, I've been through many ups and downs in relationships. I don't think its wrong to miss my ex at times either but, sometimes I do, sometimes I don't. Yet I still think of him every now and then because it seems ill never forget him because he was my first boyfriend. It didn't work out, shit happens, long story. Anyway, I was talking to a guy from Salinas, shit didn't work out because he supposedly wasn't ready for a relationship even though he's never been in one and he told me id be with him, I guess it was only because we were both tipsy at the time (which is really bad I tell you). He told me he loved me at the moment, pretty much, and we had been talking for many months, met up, gotten to know each other and everything. Now its just so funny..., he has a full time job at a bank, so pretty much we don't even talk anymore. Yeah... he's a Gemini and I am an Aries, I don't know what is up with these signs. But I hear Gemini's are two faced somehow. He didn't seem like that but now I don't know why he doesn't talk to me, even as a friend. But maybe because I don't even text/call him out of the blue either, or maybe its because he's busy, he also has issues with his family. I do as well, but I at least have some time to text/call but I don't know, I hate to text guys or call them because I am always the one making the "move" I feel as if, if I wait for THEM to call/text me, it shows they actually care... and as for me I put enough, and maybe tooo much effort into a relationship... I pretty much give my all and show them I really care. God damn it, im such a sucker for love I swear, I tell yah. When will I find the right guy who will do the same for me? Who knows, all I know is that I screwed up in the beginning with my 1st ex boyfriend (A**x) and karma is a bitch. Anyways aside from that, I was talking to a friend/co-worker's best friend (Ren), but I stopped talking to him not because he was young for me but because I didn't want to ruin his friendship with her (Rachelle) which is his (Ren)'s best friend. So my co worker Rachelle got mad at me because I was talking to him, long story short, she and I made up, she apologized. So now Ren and I are just friends. Rachelle and I are coo now. So now I've moved on and am recently just getting to know this one guy (Tony), which he is far away. Its funny because his birthday is on December 12th... which is the same birthday as my ex-boyfriend (A**x). A**x's birthday is on December 8th, which on each 8th of the month I remember was our "Month-A-Versary" since july 8th 2005. But anyways I just find it interesting that Tony is also a Sagittarius, I told myself I wouldn't talk to a Sagittarius again Haha. But I was wrong, I guess things are least expected when you least expect them. Its crazy, Yeah Tony seems like a cool guy so far. I might just do things a bit differently, won't get my hopes up as much, its like id like him to meet me halfway talking in terms of relationship wise just in general. But I sometimes debate its not fair because I don't know Tony that well, I shouldn't put up that "Wall" just because past relationships or dating people didn't work out well. it aint fair. So I'm going to keep it real, if I get hurt again, I don't know what to do. We'll just see what happens, and whatever happens, it all happens for a reason because there's a reason for everything that happens. Aside from that, I've just got so many problems going on, my mom calls me and only tells me that the bill collectors called her, because I owe money of course. But here's the thing, she only called me only telling me just that and not even to see how the fuck I am doing out here in California alone, without her help or my dads help because my parents have been divorced for many years. I mean what kind of mom is that? I just don't know anymore, as the years has passed by, since then I've grown up a bit, she's grown apart from my brother and I. There's so much anger, hatred, grudge, tension and all between my mom and I at this point and time. It's all a long and bad story. I'm tired of this bull shit where she doesn't even call me or my brother, even I tried calling but its her new husband that picks up her phone, her own damn cell phone, its not even him I want to speak to, but her but I just tell myself forget it, she has my number if she wants to see how im doing or even cares.... she'lll call me. I believe I've been naive all these years thinking my parents should be loving and caring but they aren't, they don't give a damn, I haven't spoken to my dad for years. Lost contact with him, he doesn't care at all orknow I exist, my mom, is very dramatic. I came from a broken home and background. I just feel like I am a foool.